Kiss my ass fate

So right now i hate fate or what have you.... Went with FG to go see the Hobbit it was awesome  and got to go for free so even better...

So leaving there trying to get out of the mess that is the parking lot, stupidly didn't chill in the theater and let more people leave cause I'm silly and FG wanted to go home for sleep

To get to the point of the post I saw him... My ex... Edward... He didn't even notice me... found out through facebook he was with his friends and current girl... 

My mind and heart being what it was started thinking about him and the fact that i miss him... and if the ache in my heart is telling me anything its that i'm not over him.... But there's nothing i can do but try to put it behind me

Before you ask no the current boy doesn't have access to this and kinda glad of that...

I don't know what to do and i'm freaking out, crying and basically having a mini panic attack... and i hate that i am... I stupidly sent him a message through the book of face... swear that thing will be the death of me...

It says: don't know if you'll read this and don't know if you will care but I saw you guys leaving The Hobbit you look good and I hope you're doing good... please don't try and read anything into this... It is what it says.... And i do wish you well

I meant all of it... I'm not trying to get him back... We both have someone... from what I can tell he looks happy and for the most part i am too... I want him to be happy... even if that means i'm not in his life anymore...

It's just... I don't know seeing him reminded me of what we had and how much part of me still wishes it could have worked out... That he would've waited for after fest... (Hell half way through i had time again)

Thankfully I have amazing friends (Scarlet and Sam) to text me and tell me that I'm going to be okay and that i can get through this...

Writing all this out has helped a lot as well... No longer crying, I can even breathe and my heartbeat has calmed down...

Alright I should really try and sleep... Night everyone!

NOvember Success

Hey folks, so here in Minnesota we had 2 amendments that were brought up, one against gay marriage, the other stating that you need a MN ID to vote (which would drop the voting numbers a lot here in MN)...

So early on i took a stance and stuck by it, have a number of friends that are gay and wanting them to have the same right i do to marry who they want, wore my button as much as possible talked with people (even got 2 to change their mind)...

Stayed up late last night, watching the election with friends from game. There was loud cheering once Obama hit 274... Then spent a lot of time waiting for Mitt to concede, lot of loud and interesting commentary... The party ended before finding out about the amendments... So went to bed hoping upon hope that I wouldn't want to leave MN due to idiots... Woke up this morning instantly hit Facebook and was greeted with this:

YES!! Go MN! You aren't horribly dumb! So proud of my state took a huge step in the right direction... Then spent a little extra time and found that the other amendment was shot down as well!

So....

But yeah happiness lots of it...

Happiness... Its a good thing

Heyllo people

How are you all? Me? I'm actually decent... better than actually for once.

So the big reason behind it is someone I've known for a long time, 20 years to be exact. We've even dated once before... That one ended at about 3 month due to stupidity on his part (Self admitted by him)... we were kinda seeing each other after the issues with Edward....

Mind you that, was the one that I mentioned possibly ending in fire, it kinda did... Found out he was hiding something from me... Something enough to make me want to nip it in the bud... spent the week before figuring out what i wanted to and a night in WI, which was fun... tasty grilled cheese

why aren't you in MN damn it!

That Saturday was Will's wedding to Enix, it was so much fun, I was so happy for the 2 of them, you could see the happiness and love on their faces you could tell they are meant for one another, did the dollar dance with both and got a great picture.

Will and Much

Long story short on the happy had a long, slightly loud and interesting conversation with the boy (can't think of a nickname for him yet) and we ended working things out... A promise was made if its broken things will end for good.... And after everything really hope they wont...

So before things went poof from the hiding stuff he bought us tickets to see Beauty and the Beast at the Orpheum (double date with Jewel and Cowboy (2.0 has been upgraded)), and as many of you know from a previous post my FAVORITE musical/Disney movie... Well to make up for the slight explosion, he pulled out a lot of stops, brought me a dozen roses, was going to take me to melting pot (money wandering off changed that) but still the thought that counts, he bought me a program (damn people didn't have the poster) and waited with me to get autographs.

Beast, Jewel, Myself and Belle! UBER SQUEE

And since then things have been really good between us, its a really good feeling I like this feeling a lot and I have really high hopes for it. Kay... dorky girly-ness over I swear...

Alright in other news.... Saturday was Much's Halloween party, it was a lot of fun minus the little voice in the back of my head reminding me if things hadn't ended with Edward I would've been getting married... But thanks to my friends at the party (much and will mostly) there was no sadness or moping but giggling and good times... Also Ruddy drinks...

Ruddy is an amazing guy from fest that makes AWESOME drinks, he ended up getting placed at behind the bar and at the table COVERED in alchohol... Drinking and talking with friends a good night...

Will and I also were nerds and talking about the possible chess match happening next year between the merry men and sheriff's men, so very much hoping so... Also Robin being the EVIL man that he is sent me a picture of armor ideas that i REALLY want now... evil man... He's awesome

can we say drool!

Alright that's all... have a good one everybody!

I leave you Bat-Stitch!

There's no place like home

So final weekend has come and gone, tears were shed, joy and laughter shared.... I miss it.... i know that and I always will... Once again closing gate made me cry... Last year I had Much for the speeches and the songs... This year was just me for the speeches (though did catch 3 Shakespeare roses for myself, Much and Will)... and I found Panda to stand with during the songs...

But a good sad during it I promise

Will posted the video for the show which makes me excited to share it with people who couldn't see it... See it yourself here!

There should be a bunch of pictures coming from the weekend, I'm excited to see them... I gotta look into making another shutterfly book.... the one for 2011 turned out really good...

Someone asked me the current situation involving the male species... My big wording on it is confusing... Not really gonna go into it cause one of them now has access to this blog (HI PANDA! [he hates that nickname]) and I kinda want to figure out everything for myself...

That's all I really have for now, gonna finish Black Cauldron, laundry and get sleep... Night All!

It's almost that time again...

Alright so its now hit the week before the final weekend, my body is happy my heart and head... not so much...

Fest is my other home... My break from reality that I love so very much... It's where I found my other family and some very excellent friends... The bruises, the aches and the pains... They are all so very much worth it...

And these 5 guys... (missing Robin)

Much, Little John, Robin 2.0/Rent-A-Robin, Will and Me

Are the ones that help make it all worth it.... They inspire me and have taught me so much... They help push me to be better... They have become like family, I love them a lot whether or not they know... I would do anything for them and them anything for me...

Alright and moving on, I got to spend time with my best friend a bit ago which was a lot of fun... I realized just how much I miss her, Rowan and baby girl... I've been saying i should have time one the run is done (the only bonus) but I don't know we'll see what happens... Kinda starting to doubt it... Hell next week I'm booked with closing weekend... Killing the thunderdome 2.0 and going to WI with my family...

Cranberry Festival... Should be fun... I hope

I don't know we'll see what happens.... As it is looks like I won't get back to game till November which sucks... Though i kinda wish i could get the time off to hit Madtown in Oct... I miss it, i miss the game and i miss the people... I miss the chance to get out my head... But we'll see....

Oh I also win! I managed to make Much and Will blush and smile this past weekend at Fest... I've wanted to get them something to thank them for everything and for an amazing season, spent most of the season trying to figure out what... Then I figured it out, I went up the hill and happily spent some of the tip money and bought them both a compliment from Seamus the Insulter...

He's the guy in the hat

Now to explain the man is amazing! His insults are fantastic, hilarious and incredibly entertaining to watch and at times recieve, his compliments are amazing, wonderful and at times knee melting... Spent about 20 minutes debating between the insult and the compliment... Went with the compliment... And will say this... The smile on their faces worth every penny I spent :)

And now that's about all I have, good night and fresh dreams to all...

Dag Nabbit

Hey folks

I know its been a while since I've posted... This think called life has gotten in the way... well mostly the whole work 3o hours and fest... Also trying to find some time with friends... And awesomely enough i get to hang out with Jo tomorrow! WOOT!

So one good thing right? Right... Now if only the love life would follow suit damn it... had something before til about before July-ish cause he said he could deal with me not having time... Well he lied and it ended with the we can be friends and we'll pick back up after fest is done when i can have a life again...

Apparently not... he started avoiding me (though saying it wasn't by choice BULLSHIT) and found out this past weekend out at fest he's dating someone else... FML... Damn it... really universe really? I know i shouldn't be surprised since i was the one that was keeping all contact going between us... but still...

After that i was really happy i was out at fest and not in the real world... Probably wouldn't have handled it as well if i were out in the real... Mostly just put everything into the show... Which hey made for one hell of a show...

So that if one boy issue in the life, the other would be friend zoned.. believing there's a chance and friend zoned again... The last one idk... it seems okay.. it seems good... we'll see what happens.. though part of me thinking its just gonna end in fire... and bad

I don't know.... alright that's all and to any who want to complain about my grammar... Its a blog not a book back off, I can write it how I want too

Boys are dumb.. okay not all of them...

So boys are dumb.... DUMB I SAY!

And I shall leave that bit at that... In other news there are 4 boys... okay technically 5 though one is in bum fuck Egypt... That have been and are amazing and I honestly have no clue where i would be without them... Much, Will, Little John, Robin and Robin 2.0/Tuck2 need to pick a nickname for that one... My boys the rest of the Merry Men...

Much and I, in our first show of the season

The guys help me keep some faith in the male species... at least where my friends come in to play... After that not to sure....

 Yes the season has started for 2012....Much and I have made thunder dome 2.0 and he, Will and I are on stage... Its gone great so far and i cant wait for the rest of the season....

Now if only the rest of my life could follow suit.... sigh... oh well night world

Damn it!

Alright so the hope for tomorrow was to go to Madtown since I don't have work and 3 people donating gas which makes me very happy since i haven't been there in a long time and i miss the people there.

But due to my car being dumb and me the idiot asking my friend Ben who asked my step father for help changing the oil... Due to that and who ever bunked up the last oil change my mom got bitched at who bitched at me causing me to prove no, no i actually did this... My mother seeing my log book (Never question the book) fixed that so she could bitch at my stepfather and i now need to have my car checked out.... which means either leaving late or possibly not even going to Madtown...

So that's all kinda gone kersplody... Hoping that i'll be able to go cause it'll be fun and also means getting away from people. That's all i've got right now honestly....

"I'll be shooting for my own hand"

Alright so rehearsal is done for the day little bit of food eaten (can't eat when i'm overly warm) and now sitting and relaxing with my computer, a bottle of tea (trying to do the healthy thing) and Star Trek Voyager.

Now i know there are a number of you that are going why in all that is right in this world Voyager? Why not Next Gen or DS9? Don't get me wrong I love Patrick Stewart, but the reason I've liked Voyager is because when growing up I watched it with my Mom and Step-Ass... Things were good, we were a happy-ish family and hell even when grounded from TV I was allowed to watch it.

But moving on... I've decided to drop the chess match, mostly due to the fact that they have decided to have the show when/right before the second Merry Men show... I would've loved to continue with the the show but the Merry Men are my first priority, they're my boys... Also its the show that's getting my butt in... I think the only thing that bothers me a little i didn't get the we understand and its all good... Just the quick 'kay have you told your partner?' and the post on the list of looking for my replacement who was found in under 12 hours if that... Its just kinda bites...

Alright so as a theater major i understand the need to find someone else 2 months to show, but hey they gave all of us the free out without hard feelings... I had to take it, honestly i had no other choice... Just wish i could get the one thing of 'it's all good we still like you'.... is it to much to ask? IDK....

And moving on... So we had rehearsal tonight...

And so very happy to report we are doing AWESOME!!! We're getting up to speed on the fight and we have about half the script memorized... It was awesome... mind you how hot it was out there we didn't go for to long... Went through it 3 times the first one was a little shaky in bits but the last 2 runs went awesome... Not gonna lie i'm super excited for this fight...

There's one of all three of us but Much and Will would hit me if i posted it

Tomorrow should be fun... The Merry Men get to work the preview party at Mall of America for the new Pixar movie...

It'll be awesome, I only have to work for 4 hours before hand so shouldn't be to bad, just sadly means i can't do the curly hair... Oh yeah... sooooo I'm a red head now....its a deep red and i like it.. And that's about it... Have a good night everybody!

Help! Help! I've become an adult!

Alright so because Winter is dumb, my 20-28 hr weeks are getting 6/7 hr bumps because i have agreed to help out in camping. Due to this dumb my 29.5 hr week became a 37.5 hr week...

so much work....

Now many of you are thinking... That's not that bad... Now I would like you to add 7 hrs of rehearsal/practice (some of that is solo some with the others) and 12 hours involving parades, that includes travel time which might be a little short...

Has been most days when i get home

Alright so add in 56/60 hours of sleeps cause screw you all i don't get enough sleep i get crabby (damn driving people who live farther from me (Birdie and Cowboy (technically 2.0 but meh)) some times that number shrinks...

And now add onto that 15 hours of drive time... Getting to work, karaoke, getting to people places (giving rides added in there)...

Add another 8 hours or so for food (prep and eating) cause thankfully quick food or mom making dinner kinda helps on that one to cut it down... 10 hours for getting ready for the day/bed

so that gives me 18 or so hours of time for me/seeing my friends... Which gets kinda small with driving to places... Karaoke takes off 7 or so hours of that.... Gaming takes out 5 hours if just table top 10 if its a week with LARP... so that's an hour or so at home to myself to relax....Gah last time i was this packed was in highschool when it was show week and in a play same with NCC....

So if any of my friends wonder why i don't see you that is why... Love you all and that's if for now gonna see if i have time to chill and relax on my own...

Goodnight world

When a tired Winter (woot name for me picked) goes on tumblr to long and finds the cute/awesome

All out of titles

Alright hello again people... So my time has mostly been spent working and well working.... I've been able to hang out with my friends but with money and all that its been... well its been hard... Okay i know that there are people with worse off than me i know that still allowed to be worried though right? I'll go with right....

doesn't fit but really don't care

So one of the things that has bothered me lately and for a while now is that what ever must i once had is now gone... I've tried writing... failed and blew up in my face in the way of it was god awe-full horrible... Even reading my own stuff didn't help... Tried working on my scrapbook... that one? well the boxes are now organized at least... Haven't been able to touch my crocheting... without instantly putting it back... Taking pictures at Como when I went with FG and Edward... it was a least something... haven't looked at them yet... Hell working on making my new character for section 7 has fallen flat... Mostly cause my Fiana was the shit because it took the time, love and patience to get her that way...

But yeah it sucks i miss it i miss being creative and i don't know what to do to get it back... Alright and moving on... As stated i need to make a new character for my Section 7 game... Due to lack of muse she's kinda falling flat... i had some slight ideas but since then... nada.... Now some of you may ask what happened? how'd she splat? Well having to go after a pack mate's mate who disobeyed direct orders from the Sept alpha to stay on Sept during week of nightmares.... One Athro Theurge vs 16 vampires even if some were shovel heads? And my only thought towards the pack mate

She's done nothing but fuck me over this whole game... I kinda want to make this character to give her hell...  kinda a lot.... though the line out of the alpha "I hope he's worth 2 Athro of the nation" bloody brilliant and she's an idiot for frenzying on her... And now for something completely different... My memorial weekend

The picture above is from Midway stadium home of the St Paul Saints... Yesterday I got to go to the game with Much, Big J and Rice Mama (detour nickname), you see the tree fort behind the kids flag? That's where we sat, sorry couldn't find a better picture... But yeah we had food and drink supplied for us which was awesome and and extra bonus a free hat for each of us! But yeah minus trying to help Jo with something kinda scary as all fuck it was a good game....

Today has basically been work as will Monday... tomorrow... tomorrow is the day that i look forward to the most...

Ok so the picture isn't quite right, its not that awesome.... More like...

Small pond and all of us are 5'8" + tomorrow we practice going into the pond as well as work on fights not gonna lie... EXCITED!!

For me...

for jo :)

I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow, love you all sleep she calls to me...

it was my favorite