Shouldn't hurt this fucking much

So i had something that i had kept a secret from some of my friends... I started talking to and considered getting back together with my Ex... Now let me start from the beginning with this...

I met Edward back in 08 when i was doing tech for the show the Diviners, we clicked and were attracted to each other.. and i kinda pulled a stupid... i started dating him before i had broken it off with an ex... and before you badger me yes i felt like utter shit for it... The other relationship ended mid Jan and Edward and i kept going strong...

It got to the point where after just under a ear of dating he proposed to me, the first was in front of olive garden, the second (this for the family) was on christmas eve, everything went awesome hell that June we moved in together got our own apartment and it was great.

Then in september i don't know... something happened to make him loose his trust in me... i will say yes i was hanging out with my friends a bit but so was he... i don't know....  At one point he accused me of cheating on him... he never had to say who... it was obvious who he was talking about... we had 3 disasterously huge fights the first led to me asking him to leave (didn't trust myself not to start another fight/break up with him) the second he left to see his friends... i didn't want him to i wanted him there.. the third in me talking to my mom and moving back in...

we barely talked for about 2 months or so, we remained friends (i got him a christmas gift he came to m birthday) we had a few HUGELY rocky and crappy times but some awesome ones that had made me want to see him again and we did we started the casual thing, it was great the only problem was i didn't know how to tell my friends (though some of them knew)

Let me state this now, this week i was planning on telling EVERYONE that we were back together, that once again he made me happy and that he had changed and was back to how he was... I called him last night after the fireworks after about 5 days of no contact, finally got ahold of him... he decided he couldn't do it anymore... he decided we needed to take a break...

those words changed to "broke up" in a message earlier today... I had one ex i had agreed to take a break with and the next day he was with someone else... I texted Edward to make sure that wasn't the case.. he told me it wasn't that it wasn't the reason he broke up with me...

All i can say is it hurts and i want it to stop... i feel like a teenager cause i can't stop crying... i can't think about him... I had called Titus who had offered to drive over and be with me but i had told her to head home and i'd be fine... i was wrong got home and started bawling... told mom basically everything... and have gone to watching movies with explosions cause i think anything girlie i might hurt someone...

Losing the one that you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the one that you thought was your prince is a pain in the FUCKING ASS and it hurts i don't recomend it... it's days like these a girl needs ice cream and her friends (for someone to hug/cuddle)...

That's all i got right now cause it's the only thing on my mind... good night world