So they were right...

Alright so people say when things go to shit they will get better... So after everything with the ex and everything else i of course called BULL SHIT... thing with him along with hanging out with people and being the ONLY girl not getting hit on (only one out of THREE which mind you made it suck more), as well as getting home not to a how was work bit a "you have a bill that you have to pay for"

Wednesday proved them true surprisingly... There is a guy that i had liked for a while now, we met at the camp that i worked at for a summer, Friendship Ventures, basically a program to give people with special needs the camp experience

http://www.friendshipventures.org/

Its a great organization and it was a great experience... but back on track...

It was through that and being councilers together for a week that i met him, nickname to come at a later date... But yeah after about a year of not seeing one another he showed up at karaoke with him cousin Nick, got the chance to talk with him again which was awesome... Through talking he found out that i was single and made the comment that we should get coffee together sometime...

And so after a week or so of textiung back and forth i got the text "Hey sorry i wasn't able to join you guys i got swamped.. but i was wondering if you'd like to go get dinner sometime?"

So heart in my throat i answered and a few days later he got back to me... Monday night once i get off of work, i have what a lot of people have told me is a date... More or less he had said something about grabbing dinner and doing karaoke afterwards... i'm bad at reading guys (see my past relationships) so i'm kind of going with what ever my friends say at this moment...

So as long as things dont go HORRIBLY wrong, i have a date and i'm hoping that it goes well...

Wish me luck folks

Getting Better

Alright so i'm better... really i am... well at least i'm getting there... Hanging out with friends as well as going out to Madtown with Gareth and Doc (someone i met through game she be awesome)... I have 2 days in a row off and more or less NOTHING to do either days during the day itself... i mean yeah tonight is coffee and karaoke not sure if i'll go yet... though i do want to meet Alice's new boy (yay for her finding someone) and tomorrow night is HOPEFULLY going out to JoA and Grace's for DnD (still need to make a character) then HP DH2

Friday is a double... start at one tr (pointless mid shift) and close at one of the others.... originally was going to hang out with Gareth tomorrow but due to him gaining an extra shift at his other job it's been cancelled which not gonna lie BITES.... he has friday off but as stated that the double day for me -_-; As i told him it happens we just have to do a redo for next week, it just kinda sucks...

But yeah Madtown was alot of fun (go team sleep deprevation, entire car on a collective 9.5 hrs of sleep, Doc wins at 3.5) i really enjoy getting to play Kylie, bonus points when's Gareth's there to play his character... Had a human teddy bear that night which helped a lot and made it so i could actually sleep which was awesome

Thats about all i have for now i need to go find SOMETHING to do good day all

Shouldn't hurt this fucking much

So i had something that i had kept a secret from some of my friends... I started talking to and considered getting back together with my Ex... Now let me start from the beginning with this...

I met Edward back in 08 when i was doing tech for the show the Diviners, we clicked and were attracted to each other.. and i kinda pulled a stupid... i started dating him before i had broken it off with an ex... and before you badger me yes i felt like utter shit for it... The other relationship ended mid Jan and Edward and i kept going strong...

It got to the point where after just under a ear of dating he proposed to me, the first was in front of olive garden, the second (this for the family) was on christmas eve, everything went awesome hell that June we moved in together got our own apartment and it was great.

Then in september i don't know... something happened to make him loose his trust in me... i will say yes i was hanging out with my friends a bit but so was he... i don't know....  At one point he accused me of cheating on him... he never had to say who... it was obvious who he was talking about... we had 3 disasterously huge fights the first led to me asking him to leave (didn't trust myself not to start another fight/break up with him) the second he left to see his friends... i didn't want him to i wanted him there.. the third in me talking to my mom and moving back in...

we barely talked for about 2 months or so, we remained friends (i got him a christmas gift he came to m birthday) we had a few HUGELY rocky and crappy times but some awesome ones that had made me want to see him again and we did we started the casual thing, it was great the only problem was i didn't know how to tell my friends (though some of them knew)

Let me state this now, this week i was planning on telling EVERYONE that we were back together, that once again he made me happy and that he had changed and was back to how he was... I called him last night after the fireworks after about 5 days of no contact, finally got ahold of him... he decided he couldn't do it anymore... he decided we needed to take a break...

those words changed to "broke up" in a message earlier today... I had one ex i had agreed to take a break with and the next day he was with someone else... I texted Edward to make sure that wasn't the case.. he told me it wasn't that it wasn't the reason he broke up with me...

All i can say is it hurts and i want it to stop... i feel like a teenager cause i can't stop crying... i can't think about him... I had called Titus who had offered to drive over and be with me but i had told her to head home and i'd be fine... i was wrong got home and started bawling... told mom basically everything... and have gone to watching movies with explosions cause i think anything girlie i might hurt someone...

Losing the one that you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the one that you thought was your prince is a pain in the FUCKING ASS and it hurts i don't recomend it... it's days like these a girl needs ice cream and her friends (for someone to hug/cuddle)...

That's all i got right now cause it's the only thing on my mind... good night world